Client Management Gifts

"Getting good grades isn't enough, son. You also need to bring in new clients."

'How much would it cost me to ask you a question?' - 'What's your second question?'

'Gotta go, Leon...our brokrage firm is right in the middle of an aggressive client retention program.'

"He's already a customer. You were hired to bring in new business."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Let's not go by the book.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."