Client Services Gifts

"The client's on Line 2, but he said he's digging the on-hold music and doesn't want you to pick up for a few more minutes."

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

Direct Marketing...

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

"Nihilistic customer service"

"I'll carve the wheels, you'll sell them, and Oog, here, can be customer service."

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

Have you tried turning it off and on again?