Client Services Gifts

"The client's on Line 2, but he said he's digging the on-hold music and doesn't want you to pick up for a few more minutes."

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

Direct Marketing...

'I'd like to return this, please.'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"I'll carve the wheels, you'll sell them, and Oog, here, can be customer service."

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"Nihilistic customer service"

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

Man from refuse department says: 'We'll send you a new wheelie bin, Mrs Trubshaw, there's really no need to 'orchestrate a mass Twitter campaign'.'