Client Services Manager Gifts

"There's not much Gordon won't do for his clients!"

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

"Did you speak to our client in Australia?"

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

"Our cloud computing services include IaaS, PaaS, SaaS, NaaS, CaaS...and BaaS!"

"Why have you doubled the price of oatmeal?"

"Look at them over there, looking all smug with their clients and accounts and stuff."

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"Getting good grades isn't enough, son. You also need to bring in new clients."

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

'The customers' suggestions make a lot of sense. I say, let's hire the customers and fire the staff!'

"You can't say that to a customer!"

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

"I've got your letter in front of me now, sir."

"I'm considering going client side. That way I can still be an a*****e and actually get away with it."

'Don't call us, we'll call you, inc,'

Rent-a-Drama: "How many tweens will you need for your event?"

"That's the Ommbudsman."

'I'm keen on precise statistics as the next person...'

'Our efforts to be rude impersonal, overpriced and inconvenient has made us leaders in jet fuel efficiency.'

business lunch

"We need to really FOCUS on our customers if we're to rip them off to inflate our profits."

'Yes sir, I'll get my chief daydreamer onto it now.'

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

"He likes to make clients feel important..."