Client Service Manager Gifts

"We find putting the customer first works for us!"

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

'Wow, are all these desserts for here, or are you going to stuff your faces in the privacy of your own home?'

'How would you like your toast?'

'It feels warm enough to me.'

"Did you speak to our client in Australia?"

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"Look at them over there, looking all smug with their clients and accounts and stuff."

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

"Why have you doubled the price of oatmeal?"

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

"Getting good grades isn't enough, son. You also need to bring in new clients."

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

"Fresh-raked leaves?"

'The customers' suggestions make a lot of sense. I say, let's hire the customers and fire the staff!'

"You can't say that to a customer!"

'My after-dinner mint was bigger than my steak.'