Client Relations Expert Gifts

'That's waht I'd call 'Performance'! Our customers went from simple complaints to bomb threats!'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Direct Marketing...

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

'Honestly! You really ought to see someone about that cough of yours.'

'You've changed since we got married.'

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

'We like the teamwork idea, but Billy won't let us play with his ball.'

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'OK, who moved the photocopier?'

"Ed Pierce is here to see you sir, and remember, it's unprofessional to roll your eyes."

'He's a media consultant. He came with the multimedia software package.'

'What do you mean, 'away team'? -- You're firing me, aren't you?'

'I don't know about you, but he was really beginning to get on my nerves.'

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

Trump Lashes Out at John Bolton

'Oh, you'll love working here. Nobody treats you any differently just becuase of your age, race, or gender.'

"Corporate thinks it's time we updated our motivational strategies."

"I'm working as fast as I can, Mr. Sims. There are only so many billable hours in a day, you know."

"Just tell us who's winning."

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"Admit it Johnson, isn't a pat on the back more intrinsically rewarding than a salary rise?"

'This new 'flexible working' scheme is a great idea. . . It helps us to identify staff who have a more balanced life. People who have interests outside of the office.'

What a Guy! The Tops! - "He likes to make his clients feel important."

'I don't get it. He's got only one tongue and two ears, but he talks twice as much as he listens.'

"It says here we should get a lodger."

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"