Client Relationship Aficionado Gifts

"There's not much Gordon won't do for his clients!"

Direct Marketing...

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

"I opened the last of the emergency wine."

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

"I'm working as fast as I can, Mr. Sims. There are only so many billable hours in a day, you know."

What a Guy! The Tops! - "He likes to make his clients feel important."

'I don't get it. He's got only one tongue and two ears, but he talks twice as much as he listens.'

"Legs up to here!"

'First, I'll give you my side of the story...then, the wimp will give you his...'

"I'll tell you what he's got that we haven't - a bigger leaf!"

Man Flap

Credit card campaign ad

"He likes to make clients feel important..."

'Remind clients to come prepared for their initial consultation with documents, names, addresses, checkbook, credit cards, cash.'

'He's not finished his media training!'

'You've got to give it to Jim, there's nothing he won't do for his customers.'

Ban news chair

101 Positions/101 Excuses

'This is my dance celebrating our new customer service guarantee!'

'...and seven years ago I donated one of my kidneys to him. I want it back.'

'Just because everyone applauded when you dropped your lunch tray in the cafeteria, doesn't mean that you should pursue a career in show business.'

It would be unfair of me to sleep with you to get even with my ex-boyfriend for sleeping with his ex-girlfriend. Life is unfair. Thank goodness!

'This is a magnificent restaurant. Which fork should I use to comb my hair?'

"You've always let me down in this marriage."

"Uh-oh. I think they're having a Bryn Mawr moment."

"Please don't work late ronight. I want time to have sex, eat you, and then go to bed at a reasonable hour."

Boss, what's the best way to break up with someone without hurting her feelings? Hush money. What? Offer the dumpee a cashier's check for $5,000 on the condition she refrains from having hurt feelings. If she just can't do that, then you should be compassionate and offer her a $1,000 check as long as she agrees not to burden you with her hurt feelings. Very bad man. Compassion is an essential component of any severance package.

"I put myself in my clients' shoes. That way I can run faster than they can."

"Congratulations on your Pulitzer. Now, let's revisit the university's contract offer."

'So how did your cruises to separate continents work out?'

'The customer is King'

'This customer care policy is getting beyond a joke!!'

"Your agent is ready to look you in the eye now."

"You mean those were your hopes and dreams?"