Customer Relations Gifts

Patience Tested While You Wait.

"The latest research has shown that our customers want more frequent communications from us."

The key to a successful customer loyalty program is to make people feel special. Watch and learn. How would you like to join our exclusive VIP Premier Exclusive Best Customer Reward Program? The other key is knowing whom to ask. There's minestrone in your eye.

"Providing the kind of service the customer is paying for could be a serious hassle."

'Our customers don't want mutual funds that are an 'eclectic mix'.'

'I think the customers don't like my because sometimes I seem to be a bit strange. My dog says so, too.'

"Any new proposals?"

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Complaints department.

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Direct Marketing...

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

"I'll carve the wheels, you'll sell them, and Oog, here, can be customer service."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"