Customer Relations Ace Gifts

"I want three of you serving customers all day - two if we get busy."

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"I'm feeling completely wiped out."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"You know, there are other emojis."

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Direct Marketing...

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

'I'd like to return this, please.'

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'This is Onstar, how may I help you?'

"Useless information"

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'