Customer Liaison Gifts

"Good evening, my name is Lisa. I'm your predator tonight."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

Direct Marketing...

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

"I know it’s a challenge, but it needs your input!" "...Your breadth of knowledge of different interest groups, religions...cultures!" "Right, so the staff Christmas meal will be a traditional lacto-vegan one at a Thai restaurant sometime in March?" "Do you think the Pagans will be OK with that?"

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

'It's a new rule, sir - There's a seven-day waiting period for stamps now.'

"Ed Pierce is here to see you sir, and remember, it's unprofessional to roll your eyes."

'I'll take the one on the right.'

"More?"

"I'm working as fast as I can, Mr. Sims. There are only so many billable hours in a day, you know."

What a Guy! The Tops! - "He likes to make his clients feel important."

'Our customers don't want mutual funds that are an 'eclectic mix'.'

"Providing the kind of service the customer is paying for could be a serious hassle."

Continental Breakfast...$2.99: 'What continent is THIS supposed to represent?'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'You wouldn't believe how hard it is for me to unwind after work.'

'If you've brought us gifts we don't want any more Des O'Connor records!'

Waiter, what's this photograph of Jeff Goldblum doing in my soup? He starred in the remake of "The Fly." Personally, I prefer Al (David) Hedison in the original.

"... Wine list? No, we don't have a wine list! Perhaps I can get sir something from the vending machine?"

"He likes to make clients feel important..."

'He's not finished his media training!'

'You've got to give it to Jim, there's nothing he won't do for his customers.'

'Remind clients to come prepared for their initial consultation with documents, names, addresses, checkbook, credit cards, cash.'

"Where can I find your organic, locally raised children?"

Patience Tested While You Wait.

"I want three of you serving customers all day - two if we get busy."

"I can't take the job in customer relations. I hate the customers. How can I possibly deal with their relatives?"

"Any new proposals?"

"This is the director of our customer loyalty program."

"Please visit our website and tell us about your experience with this sale. You can win a gift card good for a free glass of lemonade."