Customer Relations Manager Gifts

'Who do I complain to about you?'

"Our email marketing campaign got a response from someone in Nigeria who wants to send us four million dollars. Should we deposit that in the company account, or is it better to use Paypal?"

Voice Mail meets Caller ID

"I can't take the job in customer relations. I hate the customers. How can I possibly deal with their relatives?"

'You stink, you dress funny, you're ugly, your nose is too big, I hate your attitude and you have one brow. . . next.'

"Things might run smoother, Johnson, if you take the 'cuss' out of customer."

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"You know, there are other emojis."

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Direct Marketing...

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."