Clerical Humor Fan Gifts

The Pet Parson

Skipping Horse

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

The Brothers Grime

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

10 K Tail-Chase

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Trump Poutine

Dog in casino.

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

The Snooze Bar.

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Dogma

Beer Parasol.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

No, I don

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

tRUMp, Pirate President

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

'Did you hear that? They said 'Hello' to you.'

'More government surveillance!'