Cleaning Aficionados Gifts

'First I put some odds and ends in storage, then some furniture, and finally, Edgar.'

Vacuum Cleaner Plugged Into Pig's Nose.

"No dear,I'm not treading mud over your nice,clean kitchen floor..."

'Do you have to bash the furniture with that thing?'

I have a date tonight. She's coming over. I need to get home and clean it all up. Not so fast, little buddy. Cleaning is a delicate art. Clean too little, and she thinks you're a slob. Clean too much, and she thinks you're hiding something. It's almost as if you haven't read chapter 7 of the manual. What manual? "Mancleaning: By Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." You wrote a whole book about cleaning? It's the follow-up to "How to Reach the Tenth Level of Passion by Feng Shui-ing Your Dust Bunnies." It's

"Ok, you wash, you dry...."

'Nature's not the only one to abhor a vacuum. I do too.'

Nature also abhors a vacuum salesman.

A better way to sweep the floor.... just shuffle!

Sailors Scrubbing the Decks

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

Sounds that various toys make when they are vacuumed up.

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

Sweep the board.

Dogs shaving

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

Axle greaseMarine greaseElbow grease .

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

'It comes with three settings. Single, Married, and Children.'

'But you said to clean my room.'

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

Al puts tiny diapers on his fish.

"Every time I explore the corners of my mind, I have the urge to dust."

Dust Bunny

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

"Teddy, you call this a 'clean room'?"

"Yes, they come out white than white, but when they went in they were blue."

'Ladies no more messy pet hairs to worry about with the Decko Dynamic!'

Spring Cleaning

"The mold cleaners are here! I gotta scram."

'That stuff kills 98% of household germs, but leaves the remaining 2% limping around enough to maintain your resistance.'

'There are two color schemes: dark ones that attract light dirt, and light ones that attract dark dirt.'

'That's not exactly what I had in mind when I said to clean your room.'