Clean Comedy Gifts

"We think he picked it up at the kennel."

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

'But Honey, if we have kids, we won't be endangered anymore: We will lose all the social benefits and attention...'

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

'Good, lots of waxy buildup.'

'Don't worry about the dishes. I did them.'

'How damp is this place? Let me put it this way: I use mold and mildew remover as a skin care product.'

'After this my bath water will never seem the same!'

Grooming for beginners.

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

'Congratulations, Hightower. You now lead the league in untainted urine samples.'

'...it's probably blood on the boardroom carpet.'

Carpet cleaning

"Has anyone fed the goldfish?"

Spokane County Police Department

"No, no, you go on - I'm gonna spend some time on the bleach!"

'...Then I swept down the staircase, into the ballroom.'

'If you two don't mind, I need my mop.'

"You have no idea what I've been through."

"So what? Germs are also invisible!"

Mrs. Bortluber saves all the gunk she cleans from her computer.

'I'll see the ones with clean underwear first.'

"Stop using math to make me look bad."

Witch on broom followed by witch on hangglider dustpan

Priest reading 'Confessions of a Window Cleaner'.

Hell - "You can say what you like about this place.. At least they keep it clean."

'You talk about a clean dog!'

"I can skip my bath tonight. I put the windows down when Dad drove through the carwash."

"Your shirt's on inside out."

"When I told you to change your socks... I didn't mean from one foot to another!"

Janitor on the Job Training.

Scruffy man on desert island has written in the sand 'Help!! Need make grooming products.'

Organised Crime / Disorganised Crime