Classroom Comrade Gifts

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

Pupil to teacher "Miss, I/m finding it hard to concentrate with the rats nibbling at my books"

'Don't you hate undergoing peer review in these high school chemistry labs?'

"My math teacher says I should consider becoming a teacher some day."

"So you're saying that your sudden upset stomach ache developing on the same day as the big spelling test is just a coincidence?"

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Yearbook

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

Big Bang Theory.

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

The full moon frenzy strikes again."

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'I need to read five books this weekend to graduate - any suggestions?'

Computer Class.

"If something that doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, then I should be Atlas!"

'This handheld computer is very useful for teaching. It displays my lesson plan, calander, key files, and an extensive menu of put-downs for hecklers and classroom clowns.'

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

"So, to sum up, I would like to say that Shakespeare is an awesome genius in the same category as Albert Einstein and Jerry Garcia."

"This is the fourth student who bubbled in Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E when I told the class to 'bubble in your name'!"

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

Humanities 101. I hear you're reading Greek plays in there. Yeah, it's a real Medea blitz!

"We've invented a new word!"