Church Potluck Gifts

"That reminds me. The church pot luck dinner is Sunday."

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

Church Basement Foodie

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Hot pot

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

Midwest Winter Items.

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

"All good things must come to an end...unless I use both of my giant-size super-pots."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

"Welcome to the Bermudez family Christmas party!"

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

Nativity - The sitcom

"I have to know who brought this disgusting eucalyptus casserole!"

"Relax, the vicar's surrounded the place with mouse traps."

After finishing his 5 minute guitar riff, John realized the silence was due to his filling in on the traditional service worship team that particular Sunday morning.

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

'...And for those of you who cant remember the words...'

Come on, honey. The neighborhood potlucks are fun. Fun?! Everyone brings something simple. Totally stress-free. Ha! Last year you made lemon-stuffed slow roasted sea bass with guacamole cilantro chutney. I won't do that again! Guacamole is over. Avocado grapefruit coulis will work.

"I really liked that stuff you were saying about all of us being sinners and how we're damned for eternity."

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

Jesus swept.

'Dear, it's called a collection plate, not a tip jar.'

"I like that you all brought enthusiasm, but did anyone bring food?"

"For the next Christmas party pot luck, let's skip the finger foods."