Church Organist Gifts

'You're not what we hand in mind when we advertised for a new organist.'

'Any requests? 'Amazing Grace,' perhaps?'

Church Hymn

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Felix Mendelssohn

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

Cleric with bible briefcase.

Malcolm Sargent

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

"As a member of the Sunday praise team you are not allowed to "change it up", whenever you feel led."

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Nun Binning the Devil

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

CCTV in church.

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

'What do you call money that slides off the collection plate?'

Cesar Franck

'I'm falling in love with Eddie... he has the most beautiful biggest organ ever!'

"It's a cup holder."

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

'I'm here for the organ transplant.'

'And if it ain't baroque, don't fix it.'

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

Organ Player

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'