Church Hall Humorist Gifts

Cleaner playing pool with brush.

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"Please! No harmonizing during ululations!"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Monk Prompt

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Giving Things Up For Lent.

How's my sermon. . .

Bishops Snooker

"...and in conclusion..."

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

The ten ammendments

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

The Sleeping Congregation.

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

'Even More Disciples'

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

Finger puppets in church.

Church restrooms

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Minister Starts at a New Church

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Applause

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

'Still no money, but a lot more IOU's than usual!'

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