Chronic Relaxer Gifts

'Monday morning feeling? But it's thursday!'

"First break since 1996!"

"Ahhh... close enough."

American Idle.

Man is caught swimming on an inflable float in a moat by the knights.

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

'The cruises and long vacations ensure I'm not micro-managing.'

'Now, dear, I spent 35 years pretending to look busy. I can't just quit overnight!'

You read me a story about a workaholic little engine, and you expect it to make me sleepy?

"For heaven's sake lighten up, Roger! You're supposed to be on holiday."

"Your blood pressure is too high. Take two of these."

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

'I've still got the fire in my belly, but for the next two weeks I'm solar powered.'

"I can't stop thinking about all those available parking spaces back on West Eighty-fifth Street."

'But I feel quite healthy.'

"Sometimes I stop to think and forget to start again."

"Have you ever tried buying lots of stuff?"

"My husband hid my laptop to stop me working on vacation."

Lazy dog.

I'm practicing for retirement - one hour every day.

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

His entire life was about balance.

"Sidney gets nervous if he's too far from his money."

"Didn't I tell you to limber up before you started channel surfing?"

"Because I'm the king and I like it better than the old one, that's why."

Heaven is...

'How's the executive training program, going?'

'My husband has retired from the bench.'

'The best part of growing old is not having to invest for the long term.'

"Since Frank retired two years ago, he's been on the alert for some long-dormant artistic talent to develop."

"Have you ever thought about dropping a few pounds, dear?"

'He unwound on his vacation and never wound up again!'

"I'm thinking of installing some strobe lights to make it look like he's moving."