Chronic Back Pain Warrior Gifts

'I should have gone to my chiropractor before this meeting.'

"Yeah, it's work-related, Doc...I bent over backwards trying to please my boss!"

Lumbar support animal

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

Desert Dermatologist

'I just invented the 'chair' - It relieves lower back pain!'

'It's a beautiful lighthouse. However, hauling the batteries up the stairs has taken its toll on my back.'

"So what brings you in today?"

"Well, the first thing we're going to do is loosen those suspenders!"

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

"Instead of days, my pill organizer is divided into months."

'...Then touch your toes twenty times.'

'You threw your back out? Well, run out and retrieve it!'

"My chronic condition has been pestering me every single day for the past six months. I'm a lifelong quitter so its persistence is troubling me."

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"My goodness, your back is really knotted up this morning, isn't it?"

'That's Saint Throbbold. Patron saint of migraine.'

"Too hard?"

"Well, yeah, Doc, I twisted my back a little...but it was the longest golf shot I've ever made!"

"How come they call these tax returns when I never get any money returned?"

'Exactly which school of acupuncture are you from?'

'Don't be frightened, he's only been 'n' gone 'n' done his back in again.'

National Asthma Society Parade

"My back hurts when I sit."

'I have stomach cramps.' - 'Oh.' - 'It feels like a cat raking its claws down the inside of my stomach.' - 'Oh.' - 'Raking in a good way or a bad way?' -

New windmills to fight?

Guy hanging in dungeon to other: 'Are you sure this chiropractor is licensed?'

"Lately, when I wake up, I'm stiff as a board!"

'Oh, thank god, a hot tub... My back is literally killing me.'

"Next time, try warming up with a little idle speculation before jumping to a conclusion."

'Aargh! -- if the Lord had meant for man to walk upright, He'd have given us chiropractors!'

"Relax! That first crack is just me getting past your deductible."