Chronic Pain Survivor Gifts

Turning pain into art, and back again.

Lumbar support animal

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

'I just invented the 'chair' - It relieves lower back pain!'

"So what brings you in today?"

'It's a beautiful lighthouse. However, hauling the batteries up the stairs has taken its toll on my back.'

'Take two asprin and stick your head in the the sand.'

'What's the diagnosis?' - '*Cough*' - 'It's not good, I'm afraid.' - 'Tell me. I have to know.' - 'You have man flu, Peel.' - 'Why, God? Why?!!' - 'I'm so sorry.' -

"Well, the first thing we're going to do is loosen those suspenders!"

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

"I don't get it. I only had a couple of beers in the pub last night, but I've got a splitting headache this morning."

"Instead of days, my pill organizer is divided into months."

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

"Yeah, it's work-related, Doc...I bent over backwards trying to please my boss!"

"Too hard?"

"He hates his six-monthly visits."

"My chronic condition has been pestering me every single day for the past six months. I'm a lifelong quitter so its persistence is troubling me."

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"Well, yeah, Doc, I twisted my back a little...but it was the longest golf shot I've ever made!"

'Exactly which school of acupuncture are you from?'

'I have stomach cramps.' - 'Oh.' - 'It feels like a cat raking its claws down the inside of my stomach.' - 'Oh.' - 'Raking in a good way or a bad way?' -

'Don't be frightened, he's only been 'n' gone 'n' done his back in again.'

National Asthma Society Parade

Guy hanging in dungeon to other: 'Are you sure this chiropractor is licensed?'

"Lately, when I wake up, I'm stiff as a board!"

'Oh, thank god, a hot tub... My back is literally killing me.'

"We've taken out a second mortgage on our first one."

"Relax! That first crack is just me getting past your deductible."

'I should have gone to my chiropractor before this meeting.'

"Next time, try warming up with a little idle speculation before jumping to a conclusion."

'Hey! Suddenly, my back feels way better! Weird...'