Chronic Pain Survivor Gifts

Turning pain into art, and back again.

Lumbar support animal

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

Gym. Weight Room. This must be sculpting my body --- All my muscles feel like putty.

'I just invented the 'chair' - It relieves lower back pain!'

"So what brings you in today?"

'It's a beautiful lighthouse. However, hauling the batteries up the stairs has taken its toll on my back.'

'Take two asprin and stick your head in the the sand.'

'What's the diagnosis?' - '*Cough*' - 'It's not good, I'm afraid.' - 'Tell me. I have to know.' - 'You have man flu, Peel.' - 'Why, God? Why?!!' - 'I'm so sorry.' -

"Well, the first thing we're going to do is loosen those suspenders!"

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

"Instead of days, my pill organizer is divided into months."

"Yeah, it's work-related, Doc...I bent over backwards trying to please my boss!"

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

"I don't get it. I only had a couple of beers in the pub last night, but I've got a splitting headache this morning."

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"He hates his six-monthly visits."

"My chronic condition has been pestering me every single day for the past six months. I'm a lifelong quitter so its persistence is troubling me."

"Too hard?"

"Well, yeah, Doc, I twisted my back a little...but it was the longest golf shot I've ever made!"

'Exactly which school of acupuncture are you from?'

'I have stomach cramps.' - 'Oh.' - 'It feels like a cat raking its claws down the inside of my stomach.' - 'Oh.' - 'Raking in a good way or a bad way?' -

'Don't be frightened, he's only been 'n' gone 'n' done his back in again.'

Gym. Weight Room. This must be sculpting my body --- All my muscles feel like putty. (Published previously on September 4, 2010).

National Asthma Society Parade

Guy hanging in dungeon to other: 'Are you sure this chiropractor is licensed?'

'Oh, thank god, a hot tub... My back is literally killing me.'

"Lately, when I wake up, I'm stiff as a board!"

"We've taken out a second mortgage on our first one."

"Relax! That first crack is just me getting past your deductible."

A man hugs a heart-shaped cactus

'I should have gone to my chiropractor before this meeting.'