Christmas Novelty Pillows

Please give so I don't have to sell reindeer blood for wine money.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Daughters on the beach

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"This new phone app for opening the beer is great, Bruce!"

"I knew we should have gotten the shorter tree."

"No matter what, sleep when the bay sleeps."

"Seminary didn't prepare me for this."

A couple looks at posters of Rio, Paris and Tokyo, all of which feature skyscrapers.

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'Hang on a minute...'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

Loopholes

Mouse returns home from work.

"I told you, Doctor! There's nothing in here!"

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

"Ticket and passport, please."

Elton John

LOL. Larry Lee Oppenheimer is no fan of monogrammed underwear.

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

'Are you going exploring or retrieving a duck?'

Captain Ahab (Ret.)

Snake Charming

"Goodnight Tommy, sleeptight, watch the millenium bugs don't bite."

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

Chicken Road Crossing

"You can already make reservations and travel as soon as climate change has caused sea levels to rise!"

Leaking backpack.

Cannibal recipes.

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."