Christmas Novelty Gifts

Please give so I don't have to sell reindeer blood for wine money.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Daughters on the beach

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

"This new phone app for opening the beer is great, Bruce!"

"I knew we should have gotten the shorter tree."

"Seminary didn't prepare me for this."

"No matter what, sleep when the bay sleeps."

A couple looks at posters of Rio, Paris and Tokyo, all of which feature skyscrapers.

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

Loopholes

"Ticket and passport, please."

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

'Hang on a minute...'

"I told you, Doctor! There's nothing in here!"

Mouse returns home from work.

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

'Are you going exploring or retrieving a duck?'

Captain Ahab (Ret.)

"Goodnight Tommy, sleeptight, watch the millenium bugs don't bite."

Snake Charming

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

S. S. All You Can Eat

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

"It's kind of hard to know where these photos were taken: The backgrounds are very similar..."

Leaking backpack.

"Rats! It doesn't work...but why?? Why??!!"

Chicken Road Crossing