Christmas Nostalgia Fan Gifts

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

Senior Jeopardy!

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

Teddy Time Bears

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

"There's gotta be a way to make money off this."

"Trust me. This is going to make it easier to discuss your childhood."

Santa's wash day.

The Litany Of Fun

Girl to girl: 'A friend is someone you don't have to call dibs with.'

"Hi, my name is Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "And I have a drinking problem." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph."

Crap others threw out

Phil gets a head start on his holiday decorating.

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

The Wright Brothers' First Flyer

'I was a substitute teacher. Former students still approach me to thank me for everything I let them get away with.'

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

Angels making snow humans

Sorry about the odor --- Phone booths have gone out of style so I had to change in a dumpster.

Father Christmas stuck on plane wing

"Well I don't know how they fly when I can't!"

"You can still go over the river and through the woods, but it's cheaper to fly."

You're not a little girl anymore

June Brown

"Hi, we're Intensive Care Bears."

Ron and Nancy Reagan.

The Old Elves Home

"Tia Carmen, I have a great knock-knock joke!"

'I was a multi-millionaire back when it meant something.'

'I finally memorized my social security number.'

'It was your imagination. There's no little kid under your bed!'

"I love Boxing Day"