Christmas Criminologist Gifts

"I'm sorry, Inspector Lestrade, but for reasons which I confess are sentimental, I feel I must, just this once, decline my services to Scotland Yard."

Hate Platforms

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

America, are we learning anything?

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

He's making a list --- Holmes solves cases quicker when he itemizes deductions.

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

Violent Crime Statistics

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

'I believe the murderer is in this very room.'

I always forget - Are we supposed to tip?

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

Oliver Twist - Oliver Introduced to Fagin

'Why is it always about me?'

Cat Waits For Mouse To Come And Kiss Under The Mistletoe

"A grand jury sitting in Terre Haute, Indiana, today handed up an indictment of society."

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

'Where did I bury the loot? -- I thought you buried the loot!'

'Try to think of this as a learning experience.'

Ancient Egyptian crime scenes.

'Newgate - Exercise Yard'

"I believe this is a case for Sherlock Holmes..."

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

'That's him. Number 3 is the one who attacked me.'

'Rap sheets! All the latest criminal stats! Get your rap sheets here!'

Penguin identity parade

'Well, now we know -- blaming the victim DOESN'T work.'

Financial Corruption

'Sure we've got a lot of anger. We also got a lot cement.'