Festive Crime Buffs Gifts

"Looks like this guy's been put away...in a manger."

hard-boiled egg...

'You know too much,'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

"I told you we should have had separate trials."

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

Bank Robbery Statistics

"The robber was about 5' 11"...."

"Looks like he's been salted, Sarge.2

'What ever happened to that persnickety inspector?'

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

'Emotional blackmail.'

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

Black market trade in foodstuffs is thriving.

Witless protection prgram

A giant hand identifies giant legs in a police line-up.

"I hate when this happens."

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

"It's easier to make 'em talk when you just cement the feet."

"Damn it, Flopsy, you've cost me another bust."

"I'm sorry, Inspector Lestrade, but for reasons which I confess are sentimental, I feel I must, just this once, decline my services to Scotland Yard."

'I don't care if they do help you remember which role you're supposed to be playing. Take them off!'

The Brains of the Outfit

'Where was I on the night of the 7th of August? I was home washing my hair.'

"All right, which one stole your identity?"

'No, you can't fake your own death and leave all your money to yourself.'

'I'm taking a poll. Do you feel safe in your own home?'

Practicing for the lie detector test...'I have only $800 in the bank. I was never in Chicago. I know nothing about the dog food business.'

'Before we go in, try to forget everything you thought you knew about criminal masterminds!'