Festive Crime Buffs Pillows

"Looks like this guy's been put away...in a manger."

hard-boiled egg...

'You know too much,'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

'If anybody here knows why these two should not be wed...'

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"I told you we should have had separate trials."

"The robber was about 5' 11"...."

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

'What ever happened to that persnickety inspector?'

Bank Robbery Statistics

"Looks like he's been salted, Sarge.2

'Emotional blackmail.'

"I hate when this happens."

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

Black market trade in foodstuffs is thriving.

"A nutcracker!! Hey...this thing looks used."

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

Witless protection prgram

A giant hand identifies giant legs in a police line-up.

'We know the elephant died when he jumped off the roof. But the other guy? It's a mystery.'

"Damn it, Flopsy, you've cost me another bust."

"It's easier to make 'em talk when you just cement the feet."

'I don't care if they do help you remember which role you're supposed to be playing. Take them off!'

"I'm sorry, Inspector Lestrade, but for reasons which I confess are sentimental, I feel I must, just this once, decline my services to Scotland Yard."

'No, you can't fake your own death and leave all your money to yourself.'

"I should have realised she'd poisoned my dinner. It tasted much nicer than usual."

'I'm taking a poll. Do you feel safe in your own home?'

"Next time you rob a bank, don't stick around to take a bunch of selfies with the money."

"With all due respect, instead of the phrase 'bank robbery,' we request the alleged incident be referred to as an 'Elmore Leonard moment!'"

'Where was I on the night of the 7th of August? I was home washing my hair.'

The Godfather Sends Chess Master Bobby Fischer a Message. . .