Quirky Crime Aficionados Gifts

'Taxidermy? Jeepers, I didn't even know that was a crime. How about you guys - what are you in for?'

'I was convicted for embezzling from a sperm bank.'

"Puss in cement boots"

Police film evidence

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'Make it look like an accident.'

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'What ever happened to that persnickety inspector?'

Bank Robbery Statistics

"The robber was about 5' 11"...."

"I believe this is a case for Sherlock Holmes..."

'Emotional blackmail.'

"The boss says after this you're gonna have to start flossing for yourself."

'Where was I on the night of the 7th of August? I was home washing my hair.'

"I'm going out for beef chow mein - want anything?"

"Little Timmy is big enough to use you burglary tools."

'Brilliant writing, Mr. Fenswick, but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on your 'How to Commit the Perfect Crime'!'

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

"I hate when this happens."

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'Might as well get comfortable. The appeal process can take forever.'

'I always return to the scene of the crime. Is that normal?'

Mob Shrink

"Next time you rob a bank, don't stick around to take a bunch of selfies with the money."

'Before we go in, try to forget everything you thought you knew about criminal masterminds!'

"My son is a saint - he's always cooperating with the authorities."

"OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!"

"OK, how about 'proactively striving for excellence in da rackets game?"

"Gentlemen, our troubles are over, this is Tony 'The Torch' Barbella"

"Where were you five minutes ago when someone was stealing my getaway car?"

"This is Mrs. Burlington Wells. One of my begonias went off by accident and killed Mr. Goodrich."

'I think you have the wrong idea,sonny!'

'You'll have to start your rounds earlier. Another stickup man got all our money an hour ago.'