Crime Contemplator Gifts

"Man! I hate to think of what the collective guilt adds up to around here!"

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

"Helen, is it just the accountant in me, or am I sensing a tone of wistful melancholy and a bittersweet acceptance of the unfathomable mysteries of corporate life in those numbers?"

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

'What I especially like about being a philosopher-scientist is that I don't have to get my hands dirty.'

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

Man reading magazine: 'International Procrastinator.'

'He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, who cares...'

"It's strange. I worked hard all my life and was a success at business and, funny thing, - I died anyways."

'I think I just blew my diet. Do you know what the glycemic index is for a communion host?'

'Binary' monk demonstrates computer skills.

Alcohol 'Nector of the Gods' 'Devils Brew!'

'There's only one honest way to make money.'

"Speed is its defining quality - hence the name 'Large' Hadron Collider."

The Master Switch

Death is just a side-effect of living.

'...I can accept that bad things sometimes happen to good people. What drives me nuts is how all the good things always seem to happen to people I can't stand!'

'Just a heads up. The 'Big Guy' is not a fan of religion.'

Firing squad. Condemned man with blindfolded guide dog.

"Are you a man or a mouse?"

'What do you mean 'it just happened'? Didn't we discuss cause and effect?'

Highway of Life

Philosophize

'I decided Walter, I wanted to be more than just a 'golf widow'.'

"Father, I would like to go to confession with you!"

"Do you believe in karma?"

"He always was a hugger."

'When I was a boy I never thought I would live to be this old. But now I'm not si sure.'

"Hmmm... I've NEVER like Blue Oyster Cult..."

"Oooooo! It's a bit s**t."