Crime Contemplator Pillows

"Man! I hate to think of what the collective guilt adds up to around here!"

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

"Helen, is it just the accountant in me, or am I sensing a tone of wistful melancholy and a bittersweet acceptance of the unfathomable mysteries of corporate life in those numbers?"

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

'What I especially like about being a philosopher-scientist is that I don't have to get my hands dirty.'

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

Man reading magazine: 'International Procrastinator.'

'He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, who cares...'

Today is the first day of the rest of my life, Axel. Is that the good news or the bad news?

"It's strange. I worked hard all my life and was a success at business and, funny thing, - I died anyways."

"Oh, to be a Mayfly."

'I think I just blew my diet. Do you know what the glycemic index is for a communion host?'

'Binary' monk demonstrates computer skills.

Alcohol 'Nector of the Gods' 'Devils Brew!'

'There's only one honest way to make money.'

"Speed is its defining quality - hence the name 'Large' Hadron Collider."

We only go around once

The Master Switch

Death is just a side-effect of living.

Is there anything worse than the aging process? The thing that comes after the aging process.

'...I can accept that bad things sometimes happen to good people. What drives me nuts is how all the good things always seem to happen to people I can't stand!'

Really? A date with me is like a religious experience? How so? It reminds me of snake-handling.

'Just a heads up. The 'Big Guy' is not a fan of religion.'

Firing squad. Condemned man with blindfolded guide dog.

"Are you a man or a mouse?"

The Bookstore. Going out of business sale. Words failed me.

'What do you mean 'it just happened'? Didn't we discuss cause and effect?'

Highway of Life

Philosophize

'I decided Walter, I wanted to be more than just a 'golf widow'.'

"Father, I would like to go to confession with you!"

"Do you believe in karma?"

"He always was a hugger."

'When I was a boy I never thought I would live to be this old. But now I'm not si sure.'

"Hmmm... I've NEVER like Blue Oyster Cult..."