Comedic Contemplator Gifts

"Hmmm... I've NEVER like Blue Oyster Cult..."

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Sisyphus during Covid

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

"Shall we put it in play?"

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

'I just can't keep up with the conversations in deep space.'

Caterpillar Paranoia

Teacher to student: 'I taught your father. He owes me $3,000 for therapy.'

"Hunters turned philosophers"

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'

'Do you realize it takes over 2000 laws to enforce the ten commandments?'

"This is the future of logistics. Thanks to our new technology this parcel can miss-send itself to somewhere in Kazakhstan."

'Since the universe is rapidly expanding, there's a lot more that we have to worry about now.'

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

"Go forth and multiply under the constraint of sustainability within Nature's framework? What the heck is THAT supposed to mean?"

"Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise."

Apocalipsis

"This human experiment has gone on long enough. Give the hippos control."

"The Bible . . . that would be under self-help."

'He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, who cares...'

'How about bearing false witness for you neighbor?'

"Oh, to be a Mayfly."

"Totality was great, but now that it's over I'm like, 'What am I even doing?'"

Today is the first day of the rest of my life, Axel. Is that the good news or the bad news?

'Hey, don't look at me -- I was AGAINST free will.'

"I wonder if there's life as we know it on other planets."

'I think I just blew my diet. Do you know what the glycemic index is for a communion host?'

"Pay no attention. It's his way of telling us he needs a lot of space."

'You realize, it may take us awhile to INTERNALIZE these....'

'Attaining harmony with the universe is a gradual process. You need to start with a cease-fire.'

"I know I encourage employees to take initiative, Tom... but I think you should change that back!"