Chowder Champion T-Shirts

"It's Brooklyn clam chowder - you got a problem with that?"

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

Cheese

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"I'm sorry madam, we're right out of Mississippi mud pie. All that's left is the Severn sludge souffle."

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

Cave Girl Slumber Parties

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

"I need a box of the gayest chocolate you've got."

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

'School sports day - fat boys playing computer game'

First Place Layabout

"What are we doing today?"

'Honey, can you believe we share 99% of our DNA with chimps!?'

' Police investigating the theft of sixty cases of custard powder have released this photofit of a man they'd like to question.'

"Hate to break it to you, buddy, but I'm your better in every way - spicier, zestier, more fun, and Latino."

'But toothache is the worst!'

The Cheddar College for Extra Mature Students

"According to the fitness watch the remote moves more than you do."

'Chew each bite ten times? †I'm a busy man!'

Little known evolutionary steps.

'That's it Ma'am: Your VCR is set and programmed... You don't need to be an Alpha Male to work it out...'

Every dog except the chow has a pink tongue: The chow's tongue is jet black.

'Cooking, it's rocket science...'

"Are you mad at me or just chewing tobacco?"

Mouse Party