Chopping Champion T-Shirts

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

"I'm so proud - she's already learning her shapes."

"If you're such an expert, you cook the lobster next time."

"I need a box of the gayest chocolate you've got."

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

Fortunately, his training had prepared him to deal with all types of customers.

'All our food is locally sourced.'

'Honey, can you believe we share 99% of our DNA with chimps!?'

'I thought she'd never leave.'

"It's the last of the Chef's Special. He says he'll arm-wrestle you for it."

'Look out for the park ranger while Bernie and I chop us some firewood!'

Timber!

'That's it Ma'am: Your VCR is set and programmed... You don't need to be an Alpha Male to work it out...'

Little known evolutionary steps.

'Chew each bite ten times? †I'm a busy man!'

"Waiter, these chopsticks are not cooperating."

Sign on the door at Karate School.

'Cooking, it's rocket science...'

'One more fish, Alice, and you'll be able to use the old frying pan.'

And the "double-yolker" award this month goes to Irma: three!

"I think I OD'd On chocolate chip ice cream!"

"You really like my arroz con pollo, huh?"

Chef with stuffed chickens as trophies.

I told you, when you chisel a statue, start at the top.

"Wow, human DNA is so close to ours! Pity they're just missing perfection by a few percentage points..."

'On second thought Mr. Akimoto, perhaps we can give you a loan to open a karate club.'

'I know! I know! But if I can beat chocolate, you can beat heroin!'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup,'

"Sounds like my daughter's back from her karate lesson."

Mary and the fat boy

Grooming Tips

"On behalf of Farmer Brown, I am proud to present Lucy with her "One Thousand Eggs" certificate: Congratulations!"

"My wife has a black belt in cooking, she can kill a man with a single chop."

Mike's New Chopper caused much comment among the cognoscenti.