Chopping Champion Gifts

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

"I'm so proud - she's already learning her shapes."

"I need a box of the gayest chocolate you've got."

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

'All our food is locally sourced.'

Fortunately, his training had prepared him to deal with all types of customers.

'Honey, can you believe we share 99% of our DNA with chimps!?'

'I thought she'd never leave.'

"It's the last of the Chef's Special. He says he'll arm-wrestle you for it."

'Look out for the park ranger while Bernie and I chop us some firewood!'

Timber!

'Chew each bite ten times? †I'm a busy man!'

Little known evolutionary steps.

"Waiter, these chopsticks are not cooperating."

'That's it Ma'am: Your VCR is set and programmed... You don't need to be an Alpha Male to work it out...'

Sign on the door at Karate School.

'Cooking, it's rocket science...'

'One more fish, Alice, and you'll be able to use the old frying pan.'

"I think I OD'd On chocolate chip ice cream!"

And the "double-yolker" award this month goes to Irma: three!

"You really like my arroz con pollo, huh?"

Chef with stuffed chickens as trophies.

"Wow, human DNA is so close to ours! Pity they're just missing perfection by a few percentage points..."

'On second thought Mr. Akimoto, perhaps we can give you a loan to open a karate club.'

'I know! I know! But if I can beat chocolate, you can beat heroin!'

"Sounds like my daughter's back from her karate lesson."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup,'

Mary and the fat boy

"My wife has a black belt in cooking, she can kill a man with a single chop."

Suddenly, while shoving a stack of poker chips into the pot, Joe snaps an elbow ligament, and another poker athlete's career comes to a tragic end.

Mike's New Chopper caused much comment among the cognoscenti.

Grooming Tips

"On behalf of Farmer Brown, I am proud to present Lucy with her "One Thousand Eggs" certificate: Congratulations!"