Cholesterol Counter Gifts

'The correct term for our special is the quadruple cheeseburger...and should never again be referred to as...the heart bypass special.'

'Your cholesterol is off the chart. . . Better cut down on the bacon.'

'Actually there's even a limit for that good cholesterol.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

Secretive Weigh In.

All Natural Nothing

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

Now that you have a heart, you really should switch to polyunsaturated oil.

7 brownies worth of exercise.

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

Dieting Motivation.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

Extremely Practical Jokes.

'Diet considerations.'

Sisyphus Sawyer

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'