Cholesterol Counter Pillows

'The correct term for our special is the quadruple cheeseburger...and should never again be referred to as...the heart bypass special.'

'Actually there's even a limit for that good cholesterol.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

All Natural Nothing

Secretive Weigh In.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

Dieting Motivation.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Extremely Practical Jokes.

'Diet considerations.'

Sisyphus Sawyer

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."