Cholesterol Checker Pillows

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

Santa asks man if cholesterol is naught or nice.

'The thin person inside you screaming to get out seems to have cholesterol poisoning.'

"There are two types of cholesterol - the good type, then the one you've got."

"I've seen bad cholesterol before, but yours is the baddest!"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

All Natural Nothing

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Secretive Weigh In.

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"I don’t care that muscle weighs more than fat. I only know I work out here and gain 5 pounds!"

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Extremely Practical Jokes.

'Diet considerations.'

Dieting Motivation.

Sisyphus Sawyer

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.