Cholesterol Checker Gifts

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

Of course, the downside to having a heart is that now I have to watch my cholesterol.

Now that you have a heart, you really should switch to polyunsaturated oil.

Santa asks man if cholesterol is naught or nice.

'The thin person inside you screaming to get out seems to have cholesterol poisoning.'

"There are two types of cholesterol - the good type, then the one you've got."

"I've seen bad cholesterol before, but yours is the baddest!"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

Secretive Weigh In.

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

All Natural Nothing

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

7 brownies worth of exercise.

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

"I don’t care that muscle weighs more than fat. I only know I work out here and gain 5 pounds!"

Dieting Motivation.

'Diet considerations.'

Sisyphus Sawyer

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'