Cholesterol Watcher Gifts

Sawdust.

I'll call for an ambulance. He's losing choleseterol.

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'

'Believe me, even though you wallow all day, if you watch what you eat, you'll still have low cholesterol.'

'With my new heart I have to worry about cholesterol.'

'Me? I thought I was paying you to watch my cholesterol!'

Welcome at the Healthful Restaurant. We allow neither cholesterol, GM food, colourings, dust nor guests.

'To show support for Daddy's low cholesterol diet, we'll all be eating porridge for breakfast.'

Wait a minute! What about those reports that worms are terribly high in cholesterol?

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Maybe selling the cow for a bag of beans was a bad deal, but my cholesterol has never been better!"

A diet high in cholesterol can be dangerous to your health.

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

Now that you have a heart, you really should switch to polyunsaturated oil.

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

"Wow - Heavy, man"

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

"I thought you said I needed to get some 'extra size'."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

Extremely Practical Jokes.

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Fat man on scales.

Scales

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''