Children's Book Author Gifts

Bad Children's Book #68 - The Very Hungry Tapeworm.

Newspaper editor says to woman: 'Agnes, you review children's picture books �' please stop saying 'I read it in one sitting.''

"What's my password? Oh yeah... 'OnCe upona thimeh.'"

"I'm in children's books, myself."

"More sonnets and tragedies? You know the big money is in children's books, right Shakespeare?"

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

'Her name's Beatrix Potter - She draws the likes of me and you in kinky clothes'

'It's just more pro-parent spin.'

'You both found all the hidden objects in the picture, so the promotion will go to whoever completes their connect-the-dots puzzle first.'

'I'm terribly sorry, I've forgotten my fluffy pencil case!'

Humpty Dumpty egg laid by a chicken.

Sadly, Rapunzel didn't account for the Prince's weight.

'I thought the pop-ups would give it that extra punch. Whataya think?'

A. A. Milne

The Demise of Tinkerbell

'Have you ever thought about doing a children's book?'

'I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone with this many years of experience.'

'See Dick sleep on job. See Dick get fired.'

Alice Through the Looking Glass - 'Tickets Please!'

Alice Through the Looking Glass - The Garden of Live Flowers.

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"I don't care about the rating on Goodreads. We're reading Cinderella!"

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

The Little Search Engine Who Could: 'I think I can...I think I can...'

The Poky Little Pupa.

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'Charlotte's Website' ('The children's book classic rewritten for the electronic era!')

Rapunzel in the Morning