Children's Writer Gifts

"Your story is quite the booze-filled dive into the depths of depravity. Is this your first children's book?"

Ted Hughes

'Look, can't you keep your row down...some of us have to get up early tomorrow and write children's fiction.'

"if you miss a payment, I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Copycats

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Campaign for Plain English

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.