Children's Author Gifts

"Yes, but what I really want to do is write children's books."

"Celebrating St. Patrick's Day???..."

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your...Hey!'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"I've decided to cut out the middleman and self-publish."

Goldilocks discovers Father Bear's recliner.

"....And the humans go, 'Blah, blah, blah'."

She was this tall with curly blonde hair Officer: She ate our porridge and broke our furniture...

Bear Porridge

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

Roald Dahl

Help! Replaced by computer animation.

'Jeez! What comes after 'huff'?'

'A wolf in sheep's clothing is one thing, but Grandma's clothing... Are you gay or something?!'

Wolf to Red Riding Hood: 'No thanks, I'm on a strict grandmother diet.'

"Forget the net! Find a really big frying pan."

'She said she was made out of sugar and spice, so I bit her.'

'Will you (swearing) shut the (swearing) up? -- I'm trying to work on my children's book!'

'I'll bet she was happy the first day of school.'

"Say Cheshire Cheese."

Sleepy Bunny

"if you miss a payment, I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down."

Hansel and Gretal

The Poky Little Pupa.

"You know what? I probably could have put Humpty Dumpty back together again but I was just too pissed."

"Please turn now to 'Judy's mirror' in your copy of 'Pat the Bunny.' "

"You know, it's a picture book. Needless to say, it doesn't have a lot of narrative scope."

"He really captures what it's like to be a choo-choo train."

"Is three blind mice one with or three?"

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Little Miss Muffet sat on a... puppet? Strumpet? Trumpet? Musket, crumpet... I'm the worst children's author ever." Mother Goose struggles...

"And now, if you'll hand me my sippy cup, I can begin the first draft of my children's book."

"And this little poet cried ennui, ennui, ennui, all the way home."

The Mother Goose Report. Nursery Rhyme Weather Channel. Rhymeville. High Diddle Diddle. Low Diddle Diddle. And with this "high" moving in, you can expect weird things like a cat with a fiddle and a cow jumping over the moon.

'Meet the author with her collaborators'