Children's Bedtime Expert Gifts

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

Dog Nightmares

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

'She's just great with the children.'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

"I'm not napping yet, but I am getting ready to with a pre-nap warm up."

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"Name your sources."

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.