Bedtime Connoisseur Gifts

'We'll take it. Come along Rex.'

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

"Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs would make a great reality show."

"And so, with thee help of their relate counsellor, they lived happily ever after..."

"She then bit into the poison apple, hoping it would fend off the hostile takeover."

"Any other refrences besides the Three Bears?"

"Pop, tell me again how Jazz came up the river from New Orleans."

Sleeping masks

Please take them off

Wine Lovers

Bear Porridge

" 'Goodnight room. Goodnight moon.' "

"Oh, great. The bunny runs away and lives high on the hog on my tax dollars. Next!"

"She always gets the upper bunk."

'Well yes, son. I imagine some marriages of convenience took place.'

When hunters read bedtime stories.

'So the little boy who missed his bedtime was eaten by the awful slimy monster and was never heard from again.'

"Just two paragraphs from our internet provider's terms and conditions agreement and she was out like a light."

"Honey are you asleep?" "I am now."

'And so we come to the concluding episode of Barthelmew Cubbins and the 500 hats.'

'Read me the fairy tale about Obama!'

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

'Once upon a time...'

"...and although the tortoise was severely speed-challenged, he achieved his sales quota through a strict goal-specific program."

Bedtime Reading