Bedtime Connoisseur Gifts

'We'll take it. Come along Rex.'

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

"And so, with thee help of their relate counsellor, they lived happily ever after..."

"Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs would make a great reality show."

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

"She then bit into the poison apple, hoping it would fend off the hostile takeover."

"Pop, tell me again how Jazz came up the river from New Orleans."

"Any other refrences besides the Three Bears?"

"She always gets the upper bunk."

When hunters read bedtime stories.

Wine Lovers

Bear Porridge

" 'Goodnight room. Goodnight moon.' "

"Oh, great. The bunny runs away and lives high on the hog on my tax dollars. Next!"

Please take them off

Sleeping masks

'Well yes, son. I imagine some marriages of convenience took place.'

'So the little boy who missed his bedtime was eaten by the awful slimy monster and was never heard from again.'

"Just two paragraphs from our internet provider's terms and conditions agreement and she was out like a light."

"Honey are you asleep?" "I am now."

'And so we come to the concluding episode of Barthelmew Cubbins and the 500 hats.'

'Read me the fairy tale about Obama!'

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

'Once upon a time...'

"...and although the tortoise was severely speed-challenged, he achieved his sales quota through a strict goal-specific program."

Bedtime Reading