Bedtime Story Connoisseur Gifts

'It's your bedtime, Billy, come along quietly.'

'I know when I'm being worked in during a commercial.'

"Daddy's had a tough day at work, love - he'll come and mutter you a bed-time story when he's had a drink."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Late night teddy reading

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

Dog Nightmares

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

'She's just great with the children.'

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."