Bedtime Story Connoisseur Pillows

'It's your bedtime, Billy, come along quietly.'

'I know when I'm being worked in during a commercial.'

"Daddy's had a tough day at work, love - he'll come and mutter you a bed-time story when he's had a drink."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Late night teddy reading

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'She's just great with the children.'

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."