Bedtime Story Enthusiast Gifts

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

New Selections from the Out Like a Light Book Club

'Can you read the story with more enthusiasm? You're putting me to sleep.'

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

"She then bit into the poison apple, hoping it would fend off the hostile takeover."

"...and although the tortoise was severely speed-challenged, he achieved his sales quota through a strict goal-specific program."

"I won't enumerate my trespasses. You know my work."

'So the little boy who missed his bedtime was eaten by the awful slimy monster and was never heard from again.'

"Any other refrences besides the Three Bears?"

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'It won't work. I'm still only sleeping six months.'

"Ohhh...I guess you feel slightly uncomfortable....Do you want to talk about it?"

"Tell me that inspiring story about finding stuff on the web...the Little Search Engine That Could."

"A princess marry a frog? Doesn't sound like sexual equality to me!"

"Just two paragraphs from our internet provider's terms and conditions agreement and she was out like a light."

'Well yes, Patricia. This story did take place before the advent of the pill.'

"Once upon a time-and-a- half..."

Butler Report - 'Nobody was to blame and they all lived happily ever after.'

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"And so, with thee help of their relate counsellor, they lived happily ever after..."

Less than ideal work-life balance compromises.

'...and they moved into the white house and lived happily for 2 terms.'

"Sleep marching again tonight, dear?"

Nasty surprise.

'It's only an owl.'

'What was old Rip on?'

Bear Porridge

'The problem with being a kid is that the hours are lousy.'

When hunters read bedtime stories.

'I know Grimms - who gave you permission to change them?'

"She always gets the upper bunk."

"Oh, great. The bunny runs away and lives high on the hog on my tax dollars. Next!"

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"It's almost twelve-thirty. Shouldn't you be heading home?"