Bedtime Story Aficionados Gifts

"The Three Wise Men followed a star...wasn't their GPS working?"

"We wouldn't have had to come here if Goldilocks hadn't stolen our porridge!"

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Dog Nightmares

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'She's just great with the children.'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

"I'll get up in negative five minutes."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'Don't touch that tooth, dad. I'm expecting the tooth fairy at any moment.'

"Well did he?"

Monsters won't eat you if they're not hungry. So, each night, Mom makes it a sandwich. If I keep my room tidy.

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

Baby Bear.

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

Bedtime in Ancient Greece