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"The Three Wise Men followed a star...wasn't their GPS working?"

"We wouldn't have had to come here if Goldilocks hadn't stolen our porridge!"

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

'She's just great with the children.'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"I'll get up in negative five minutes."

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'Don't touch that tooth, dad. I'm expecting the tooth fairy at any moment.'

"Well did he?"

Monsters won't eat you if they're not hungry. So, each night, Mom makes it a sandwich. If I keep my room tidy.

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

Bedtime in Ancient Greece

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

Baby Bear.

"It doesn't say, Son, whether or not Noah wore a captain's hat."

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'