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"Pop, tell me again how Jazz came up the river from New Orleans."

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

'And so the monsters came to overtake the city and make their home in the closets of young children everywhere. The end. Good night, honey.'

Man reading 'The Penny Stock that Roared.'

"Call me Moby. Some years ago..."

"Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs would make a great reality show."

Beyond the call of duty.

'...and as the farmer invited the cow for dinner she happily said 'Yes!'. Since this day, the cow never has been seen...'

''Happily ever after' - that's kind of September 10th, isn't it?'

'Don't look at me like that. To me, a red hood is a tremendous turn-on!'

'Read me the fairy tale about Obama!'

'Well yes, son. I imagine some marriages of convenience took place.'

"These beans that Jack planted...can we assume they were genetically modified?"

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'She's just great with the children.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Little Princess.

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"