Bedtime Banter Enthusiast Gifts

"Honey are you asleep?" "I am now."

'If she's dead i get the bed okay!?'

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'She's just great with the children.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

"Name your sources."

"No. You turn over."

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'